April 2024 by Ark man
The Little Pump Jockey That Could but Can’t tho: A Cool Story BroUPDATE: This tale will continue to give our local community members like Aj the strength to tell their own accounts of our precocious little pump jockey failz. Word has reached me that the son has had an opportunity to read my initial review. To our delight, he chose a path even more perfect than our original expectations, the simple fail we knew we would get…now many fails in one perfect self-own.—a subtle distinction without a difference. For those following the saga of our struggling gas station, we witness the consequences of genuine digital inexperience in real time. And the natural opportunities it provides to us who “leverage” opportunities in ways beyond Mommy’s Little Hero’s capacity. We won’t make fun, we are not victims in life like our precious little Soldier-Boy. (I know someone willing to give him 5 dolla…if he needs it) Instead, with pity…Let us observe as our tragically clueless man-child, whom I’ll now refer to as “Willy Loman” (another cultural ref that will elude him), stumbles through the intricacies of online interactions. (Google is not his friend, by the way.)Our lil’ Willy mistakenly assumes that this review is meant for human consumption. Little does he know that it’s a treasure trove of lucrative self-owns. I almost sent him a rent check, considering how freely he’s providing me with content. (plus I apparently already reside rent-free in his head.) He’ll have to settle for a generated after-click…(free for use by all btw) For him, exerting the effort to respond would be more challenging than the quick Ctrl+A, Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V—it really took, then just essentially depositing revenue and taking a paid vacation. (It adds up, you know.)Perhaps apples aren’t the only things falling around trees already drowning in debt. Facades will soon crumble as truth has a way of coming out. Another life lesson for the whole family! Thanks to our Superstar…Willy, who assumes that this post lacks understanding of algorithms, embarrassing himself by sharing what he believes to be a lulzy private moment. In reality, he unwittingly reinforces every point ever made about him. His ignorance is a self-own of epic proportions. He thinks my ramblings stem from a detachment from reality, but the truth is, we all benefit in various ways—ie. financially for example, through content exposure, and as practice for the craft.As I settle for the lil lol-win, his unwitting contributions give us a peek into the tragic story of our slow decline in society as those like our lil’ Willy’s foolish, lazy, and cruel behavior continues to devolve in slow motion for us all to witness…sadly. It fuels my updates, keeps my review active, and amplifies its reach to the algorithms. We’ve entered a different life lesson—one where I know he reads and becomes an endless source of irony and residual income. At least one of us is making something good out of this situation. Turning poo into gold is both a talent and science, and our young, struggling Willy will remain unwittingly useful to others throughout the remainder of his own tragic tale.Does he think his customers are his friends? I care for all my little birdies who enjoy a little Mischief on occasion. —tweet tweet, bro. Spoiled and oblivious, he’ll inherit next to nothing in the end. Or know what to do with what he may be allotted. Maybe I’ll patiently wait until his dad sells this station, just as he has with half his “locations” to date. Willy doesn’t truly profit from it, and this family doesn’t seem to value their role in our local community. hmmmm. another thing for us all to consider. Are they members of our community? Or something akin to a clan of financial vampires maybe? Let him believe life will always hand things to him, like a predator. That’s the true irony—the lulz life has in store for him. I used to wish him luck, but not anymore. Frankly, I never "write posts" for humans. Another lulz for us all! Enjoy a TLDR of this post in picture form by a graphic generation bot. 5 sec on the house.
